ScotchSquatch

You guys know I don’t like making everything about me, but come on Canada, just put the fire out. I’ve got asthma and I want to go outside and smoke weed. This kind of childish behavior is exactly why we haven’t let you become a state yet.

Justin Trudou, I am holding you personally accountable. So much so that I am adding you to my list of grudges. As emperor of Canada this is exactly the kind of thing that is your responsibility. Don’t think that being on my list comes without consequences, get ready for this every day:

I don’t know how things work in Canada, but here in America when there is a fire, we put it out. Whether it be a city burning because of civil unrest, a religious compound that mysteriously catches fire while tanks are aimed at it, or an offshore oil rig explodes because of severely outdated safety guidelines- when there is a fire, we put it out- that’s what we do here in America. We put out fires.

Honestly though, I’m worried about the Canadian fire fighters and their horses:

Smoke inhalation is terrible for humans and ponies alike. Emperor Trudou, it might be time to stop focusing on being cute, and start focusing on upgrading your fire department.

Honestly, I almost wish Dick Cheney was still running the show, he would have considered this a direct attack on America and Saskatchewan would look like downtown Baghdad by now, circa 2004. That’s how upset I am about this fires. I’m wishing for Dick Cheney.

Let’s all just hope that Canada gets their shit together and puts this fire out before it gets out of control.