Author Archives: Admin

A Massive Blob of Seaweed is Headed for Florida: So Let’s Say Goodbye to the Garbage State

If New Jersey is the armpit of America, I think we can all agree Florida is the asshole. If DeSantis wants to get rid of all this garbage seaweed, he should just start telling people it pairs nicely with the … Continue reading

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Dr. Phil is Retiring and I’d Like To Replace Him

I’d like to replace the worst television doctor since Dr. Huxtable, I mean of course, Dr. Phil. Multiple people have come forward who have worked for Dr. Phil in the past who claim that there is a toxic work environment. … Continue reading

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19 Year Old Student Gets Engaged To 76 Year Old Billionaire

And it’s probably not what you think. My fucking man! Looking sharped dressed in what I assume Wyatt Earp would have worn if he was born in Italy. This dudes gonna be picking moth balls out of his mouth all … Continue reading

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I Just Spent The Last Five Weeks Running A Panera Bread Instagram Account, With Zero Permission To Do So

It all started like most of my ideas, with me being a little drunk and a little stoned. My friend had casually mentioned to me that the new Panera Bread was set to open soon, but when he went to … Continue reading

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2022: Looking Back At Celebrity Deaths

This was a big year for important people dying. For some reason, whenever a celebrity death occurs they always say that the person “passed away peacefully at home surrounded by friends and family.” Sounds beautiful, right? I mean, honestly, I … Continue reading

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Meth, Monks, and Monasteries

A Thai monastery had to close it’s doors because a bunch of monks were pinched for doing meth… Of all the drugs that you’d assume monks take- meth was maybe at the bottom of that list. Weed? Sure. Shrooms? Probably. … Continue reading

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Blind Woman to Fly Plane Across Country

I mean, what could possibly go wrong? So I totally understand the whole “we can do anything” movement- but I think it’s time we say enough is enough. And that’s totally fine. I grew up wanting to be a horse … Continue reading

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Local Man Jumps Off Causeway Bridge Over Chowderfest Cancellation

“First they don’t give out unlimited chowder samples, then they cancel it all together? What are these people thinking?” The man shouted while being treated for two broken legs at Southern Ocean County Medical Center. This years Chowderfest was postponed … Continue reading

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The Barnegat Lighthouse Will Be Closed Again Next Summer To Re-Fix The Paint

The final scaffolding has been removed from the Lighthouse this morning, revealing what will be referred to as the greatest tragedy this area has ever seen. The person in charge of painting the famous Barnegat Lighthouse accidentally flipped the paint … Continue reading

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Exposing Adam Levine

Listen, I don’t want to seem like a bandwagoner, or like I’m just trying to get some internet clout- we all know that’s not what I’m all about. I have just about all of the internet clout a person could … Continue reading

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